Bullets of Justice review

By David Dent

What in the name of all that’s holy is going on here then? In the future, after World War III, a range of mutants, half human and half pig called ‘Muzzles,’ have set themselves against the last remnants of the human race, who they now use for food. The Americans and the Russians have both accused each other of creating the mutants, but a jointly developed biological weapon, intended to wipe them out, only results in making everyone sterile.

Rob Justice (Timur Turisbekov, who also wrote the thing, and provided the music) and his mysteriously moustached sister and sometime lover Raksha (Doroteya Toleva) are raised by their now dead father (Danny Trejo, barely in this although he’s featured on the poster) to be renegades; their mission (I think…it’s pretty confusing) is to track down a super Muzzle called The Holy Mother, responsible for the birthing of new mutants, and destroy it.

Rob Justice also has a foe, Rafael (Semi Alkadi) who has in the past beaten him to the top spot in a male beauty contest – still keeping up? Rob has the ability to teleport, keeping him one step ahead of the mutants out to kill him. Factor in a robot whose moustache does the talking, a mutant with an areshole for a face, called appropriately enough ‘Benedict Arsehole,’ lots of graphic sex with Rob’s various pneumatic assistants, a whole bunch of ugly bugly people and a weird yucky brown colour palette that makes everything seem even grimmer, and you have yourself one weird movie that at even just over an hour and a quarter seriously outstays its welcome.

The director Valeri Milev, who was responsible for ‘Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort’ back in 2014, which was swiftly shelved after it featured details of a real life missing persons case, presumably intended this as some kind of pastiche of action movies. It’s a total mess, narratively incoherent, and painfully unfunny. Not for me, I’m afraid.

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