By Dave Heels
Dracula’s Coffin is a new horror comedy short (26mins) from writer/director Stephen Wolfe (Curse), who according to press notes is about to helm the forthcoming horror comedy feature Doll Factory.
From the poster, opening titles, the gaudy lighting and the electronic score you could easily be forgiven for mistaking this as one from the vaults. It has 1980’s VHS cheese smeared all over it. Although that’s not to say it’s totally lacking any nutritional value. Far from it.
Set in a suburban L.A. house, owned by Abe Van Helsing, the wayward descendant of the famous vampire hunter. Abe, wanting to visit Transylvania, enlists the services of a dipsy, a gum-smacking teen, Josie (Sarah Pohl) to house sit for him, while he’s away. Telling her to make herself at home, but whatever you do don’t go down in the cellar. However, the house sitter’s boyfriend Freddy (played by co-writer Tim Robinson) turns up, talks Josie into a bout of rumpy-pumpy, before insisting on exploring the Cellar; where, guess what? He discovers Dracula’s dusty coffin.
We know Freddie is up to his neck in Elephant’s excrement the moment he pulls a wooden stake from the skeleton in the coffin, and its LED eyes light up!!
Mild peril and a tiny bit of carnage ensure. Then just when we think it’s over, two female neighbours come knocking, complaining about the noise. Then Abe returns home… (apparently it doesn’t take very long to travel from LA to Transylvania and back) only to find Dracula’s brides waiting for him.
Dracula’s Coffin, despite its budget, is pretty well made. The acting is pretty good and the directing is perfectly adequate. It’s all good campy silliness with a few appalling innuendos and double entendres, and is only really let down by the writing, and perhaps a coy, politically correct sensibility, that makes it tamer than it should have been.
I personally think low budget exploitation movies, should be proudly exploitative. This holds back.
Let’s hope the aforementioned Doll Factory has shit loads of big bare breasts, a couple of dicks for counter balance, and buckets and buckets of blood and gore.