By Simon Thompson
Director/co-writer Steven LaMorte’s Screamboat is yet another example of the tired trope of turning a symbol of childhood innocence newly in the public domain into a slasher movie villain (see the same thing with those various Winnie the Pooh slasher movies). There are many things in this world that I truly can’t bear, from getting the dreaded yellow light of death on my PlayStation, to the complete works of Will Self, to Abba, but if there is one thing that might triumph above all else it is undoubtedly the lazy public domain slasher.
Set on the Staten Island ferry, the plot of Screamboat follows a ragtag group consisting of various cardboard cutout cliches as they fight to survive the night stalked by an evil rodent named Screamboat Willie ( Terrifier alum David Howard Thornton), who may or may not be the mascot of a major Hollywood studio. Trapped in a scenario with no radio communication, a ship veering off course, and thick fog, everyone proceeds to make the same five predictable slasher movie mistakes until the credits roll.
To be fair to Screamboat it’s pretty well shot and lit, the cinematography is clear and crisp and when coupled with some pretty creative kills this definitely counts as a feather in the movie’s cap. The sound design is also to a high standard with Yael Benamour and Charles-Henri Avelange adopting a creative use of diegetic sound to make the audience feel nervous. The only issue is that the New York City backdrops look like they’ve been filmed with the same filters as a Flex Tape advert.
Where the problems lie are in Matthew Garcia-Dunn and Steven LaMorte’s script, which is chock full of characters with about as much depth to them as Kate Moss’s ribcage. Here we have every slasher movie character in the book- from the kooky old man who turns out to be right about everything the whole time, the only three responsible people forced to clean up all of the idiots’ messes, and the loud party girls (in this movie they are celebrating a birthday party to be specific) who may as well walk around with neon bullseye signs on their heads.
The most frustrating thing about Screamboat is that it wastes an excellent location for a slasher movie namely a dilapidated claustrophobic steamboat but through Garcia-Dunn and LaMorte’s sickening desire to do point and laugh lowest common denominator 9gag circa 2011 meta humour by doing a slasher version of Steamboat Willie, instead of striving to create something original instead. For example Naoki Urasawa’s manga Billy Bat plays with the Mickey Mouse myth and iconography by using it as the backdrop to create a vast conspiracy thriller that touches on various significant events in human history in a fresh and original way, in stark contrast to Screamboat.
To conclude, if a movie is making me wonder where are Cameron Mitchell and Steven Seagal when you need them, then you know that a million things have gone wrong along the way. Screamboat is an unambitious, cliched, and tedious piece of filmmaking which only serves to remind you of the ingenuity of the work it’s so poorly sending up in the first place.
Screamboat is on Digital Platforms 5 May and DVD & Blu-ray 2 June. Distributed by Signature Entertainment
Watch the trailer for Screamboat below –
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